1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,921 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 2 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:08,967 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 3 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,096 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 4 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,058 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 5 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:21,521 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 6 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 7 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984 Ooh! 8 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,652 - Mommy! - Aaaaaaah! 9 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,195 - Duncan! - Duncan! 10 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,242 {\an8}Okay, fine, fine. 11 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,952 {\an8}I just can't believe that Fast and Furious 12 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:39,039 {\an8}is your favorite movie of all time. 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,874 Not Fast and Furious, 14 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,376 {\an8}The Fast and the Furious. 15 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,087 {\an8} Well, that's a much better movie, Plungie. 16 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,590 {\an8}It's a text from Annie. 17 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,091 Read it! Read it! 18 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:53,136 {\an8} "I'm at the office, and I need you so bad. 19 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:56,890 {\an8}Meet me in the third stall of the women's bathroom." 20 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,059 {\an8} Whoa! And they call me Plungie! 21 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,977 Come on, man, that's my wife. 22 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:04,647 {\an8}And I'm about to day-sex her in an employee restroom! 23 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,067 Whoa! 24 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,778 {\an8}I don't like shampoo. I like conditioner. 25 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,655 {\an8}It's better. Scata-doo-hoo! 26 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:16,326 {\an8} You're right, Billy Madison. It is better. 27 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:18,370 {\an8}Hey, what's with that Sandler dude? 28 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,497 {\an8}Are we allowed to laugh at him? 29 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,750 {\an8}And will "scata-doo-hoo" be covered on the test? 30 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,335 I think he's funny, but I'd like to see 31 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,920 him stretch his legs in a drama. 32 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,880 I thought we were gonna be watching something 33 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,340 about James Madison? 34 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,675 I know, I know. 35 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,635 The Redbox in my neighborhood has a limited selection. 36 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:34,761 Same thing happened 37 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,846 with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. 38 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,140 Attention--this is Vice Principal Drummond. 39 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,685 Students, faculty, and unpaid lunch volunteers, 40 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,437 report to the auditorium for a mandatory assembly. 41 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,817 I hope it's not that drunk-driving guy again. 42 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,403 - He's such a buzzkill. - Mr. Mitch, aren't you coming? 43 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,489 In a bit. I got to grade a few papers first. 44 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:04,916 I grade these papers A-plus. 45 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,209 Scata-doo-hoo. 46 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:13,383 Okay, so Tammy was about to get the last jelly doughnut, 47 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,343 but I told her she sat in gum, 48 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,970 and when she ran away humiliated, 49 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,263 I snagged it for you. 50 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,556 Mmm. 51 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,350 It tastes so much sweeter knowing Tammy can't have it. 52 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,978 Did you know she's a QAnon person? 53 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,064 Honey, why aren't you in the third stall? 54 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,108 Because it's filled with poop water. 55 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,735 We've got a plumbing crisis. 56 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:35,030 {\an8}Jack, are you wearing your 007 sex tie? 57 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,573 {\an8}Yeah, I thought that's why she called me. 58 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,868 {\an8}Wait, how do you know about my intimate tie? 59 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,078 Because it's Garrett. I tell him everything. 60 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,621 He's my work husband. 61 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,123 "Work husband"? 62 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,584 You've heard the term "work husband," right? 63 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,378 There's been, like, 100 BuzzFeed articles about it. 64 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,213 "BuzzFeed"? 65 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,799 Oh, Annie-Banannie, you weren't kidding. 66 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,135 He is cute when he's clueless. 67 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,803 Jack, it's flooding! 68 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,389 I know! That's why I put on my sex tie. 69 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:04,517 - Let's go! - No, the bathroom is flooding! 70 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,977 Please fix it! 71 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,395 Mm. 72 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:09,689 {\an8}So much for sex in the loo. 73 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,111 So next time you think it's cool 74 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:18,865 to smoke your vapes up on the school roof, remember, 75 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,951 this is your head when you fall off and hit the cement. 76 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,376 Shut up! It's not ripe enough! 77 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,629 Told ya! His hair's real on top and fake on the sides. 78 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,130 The man is side bald. 79 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,466 Side bald! 80 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,177 Who said that? 81 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,471 Uh-oh. He's got murder in his eyes. 82 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,722 Keep poking him, Bex! 83 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:46,976 Side bald! 84 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,482 Damn, Yangzi was right. 85 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,401 Drummond's side bald as hell. 86 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,152 Ow! 87 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,404 What did I do? 88 00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:01,241 Ugh, actual abuse, and it's the one day I forgot my phone 89 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,202 Okay, Mr. Drummond, be cool. Hand the child to me. 90 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,079 You got so much going on for you. 91 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,914 Hey, it's taco haystack for lunch. 92 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,624 You don't want to miss that. 93 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,750 You're right. 94 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,003 I'm sorry, Elizabex. I'm so ashamed. 95 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,171 That's okay. Side bald! 96 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,132 Okay, you're kissing the floor, punk! 97 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,299 Aah! 98 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,848 Back in the day, we could slap, 99 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,850 paddle, and shake kids all we wanted. 100 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,227 Now even flicking the ear of a passing student 101 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,562 is lawsuit-worthy. 102 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,480 That's why I need to replace Side Bald 103 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,608 with somebody who has your naturally calm demeanor. 104 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,402 Yes, naturally. 105 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,279 No offense, but isn't vice principal 106 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,448 the worse version of your terrible job? 107 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,783 Yes, it is, but there are perks, 108 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,951 like this mini fridge. 109 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:48,496 Whoa! That would be a great place to stash my edibles-- 110 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,706 arrangements. 111 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,042 Also, the vice principal's parking space 112 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,960 is much closer than yours. 113 00:04:56,546 --> 00:05:00,133 And the salary is triple what you're currently making. 114 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,593 Dang, with that kind of money, 115 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,887 I wouldn't have to run out of class to deliver Postmates. 116 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,972 By the way, here's your Jack in the Box. 117 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,266 And me and my girl could finally buy a town house-- 118 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,809 the mini fridge of houses. 119 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,102 I'm in! 120 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,441 Ain't that a bitch? 121 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,487 So let me ask you kids something. 122 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,073 Have you ever heard the term "work husband"? 123 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,992 - Oh, you mean like Garrett? - You know who Garrett is? 124 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,494 He's our work daddy! 125 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,163 I drew this picture of us with Garrett. 126 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,290 I just assumed that stick man was me. 127 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,917 No, don't you see his muscles? 128 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,001 Hot damn! 129 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,003 You've met Garrett before, Jack. 130 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,589 I talk about him all the time, and you never remember. 131 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:42,759 Look at the tattoo on your arm. 132 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,220 Okay, but it just seems inappropriate 133 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,597 that you're so close to another man. 134 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:51,768 A gay man who's happily married to his husband, Bryce! 135 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,436 I told you about him, too! 136 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,273 Oh, there is nothing going on with me and Garrett. 137 00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:58,900 He's just a good listener. 138 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,944 The most physical thing we've ever done 139 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,779 is the occasional back rub. 140 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,614 "Occasional back rub"? 141 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,991 You know, I could fool around at work, but I don't. 142 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:09,994 There's an entire genre of porno based on my profession. 143 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,497 Plumbers are number three after cable guy and cabana boy. 144 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,582 All righty, Jing, show me your blanket fort 145 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:15,792 I didn't want to see earlier. 146 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,836 Okay, then tell me what porno is. 147 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,754 I can give you a back rub right now, 148 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,716 and I can do it way better than him. 149 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,967 Aah! 150 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,261 Now my back is gonna smell like truffles! 151 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,304 Am I close to that spot you like? 152 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,348 Ah, hand cramp. I swear this never happens. 153 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,517 Can you massage my hands? Never mind, I'll keep going. 154 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,394 Come on, Jack! 155 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,272 Oh, my God, Jack, you did it. You hit the spot. 156 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,481 You can stop now. 157 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,025 Um, do you want to cuddle? 158 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,860 No, that was so satisfying. 159 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,779 I'm gonna go wash the kids' gym clothes. 160 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,698 Love you. Good night. 161 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,618 Hmm? 162 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,456 Hello, Bryce? 163 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:57,167 I have a tantalizing tidbit to tell you 164 00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:00,712 {\an8}about your husband... Garrett. 165 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,380 "A tidbit"? Sounds important. 166 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,548 I'll be right there. 167 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,216 Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna make 168 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,385 an emergency landing so I can hear something tantalizing. 169 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:10,472 Flight crew, prepare the cabin. 170 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,189 Bryce, I take no joy in telling you this, 171 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,358 but my wife and your husband are involved 172 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,068 in a tawdry workplace marriage. 173 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,361 - That's it? - Yep. 174 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,987 It haunts your every waking moment, right? 175 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,989 I think it's nice Garrett has a friend. 176 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,200 Who wants a suffocating, needy husband 177 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,077 who gets all his validation from his spouse? 178 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:34,913 Annie is all I have, damn it! She's my world! 179 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,873 I got to flip something! 180 00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:41,086 Sir, we've told you-- the tables are bolted down. 181 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:44,255 God, Jack, how many sangrias did you have before I got here? 182 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,508 Two pitchers, and I sucked on the oranges. 183 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,592 Help me. 184 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,679 To be honest, I wish I had someone fun at work to talk to. 185 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,263 Don't you have a copilot? 186 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,807 Pfft. You try talking to Patrick. 187 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,974 He's a brick wall. 188 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,185 We saw a UFO. He knows he saw it, too. 189 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,812 But he would not corroborate. 190 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,605 They waved at us. It was right there. 191 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,274 - I would've corroborated. - I know you would, Jack. 192 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,235 You seem like a good corroborator. 193 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,319 Oh, I am. 194 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,906 You know, I once saw a UFO after a Guns N' Roses concert. 195 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,450 - You're a GNR fan, too? - Hell, yeah! 196 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,494 I crowd-surfed during "November Rain," 197 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,079 and when people raised their lighters, 198 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,789 it singed off all my leg hair. 199 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,708 I was at the show where Slash threw his hat 200 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,710 into the crowd and it landed on a baby's head, 201 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,629 and that baby grew up to be... 202 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,340 Bryant Gumbel! 203 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,717 Wait, that can't be right. 204 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,386 Mm, I think Bryant Gumbel lied in that interview. 205 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,971 Oh, well, how about we get some more 206 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,306 ♪ Sa-na-na-na-na-grias, grias? ♪ 207 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,683 - I'm sorry. What? - I'm sorry. 208 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,060 - Would you like more sangrias? - I corroborate that! 209 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,191 VP. Scata-doo-hoo. 210 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,113 I feel bad that Vice Principal Drummond 211 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,865 lost his pension and his wife left him, 212 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,908 but it's nice to see Mr. Mitch so happy. 213 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:57,245 Yeah, look, he took his girl to Buca di Beppo last night. 214 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,663 Good God! 215 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,999 That meatball's the size of his head! 216 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,126 Your hilarious cruelty to a public servant 217 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,794 made all of this possible, Bex. 218 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,422 And the great thing about Mr. Mitch's promotion is, 219 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:11,259 we're so tight with him, now we can get away with anything. 220 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,846 You mean like sneaking off campus for lunch? 221 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,431 To the Beppo! 222 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,394 Next thing you know, Hulk Hogan is tearing his shirt off 223 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,979 and throwing the scraps into the audience, 224 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,522 and that's when I turned to my dad and said, 225 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,025 "Dad, I'm definitely, definitely gay." 226 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,361 - And how did he handle it? - He hugged me. 227 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,404 Mm, what a WrestleMania. 228 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,656 Hey, this was great getting to know each other. 229 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,992 Thanks for talking me down about the Annie/Garrett thing. 230 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:39,120 I owe your husband's work wife a huge apology. 231 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,538 Yeah, I had fun, too. 232 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:42,791 I'm so glad you ominously called me. 233 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,210 Whoa, we've been talking for hours. 234 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,628 I got wheels up in 20. 235 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,839 Kidding. I haven't flown drunk in years. 236 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:54,928 Wait a minute. 237 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:58,014 I know that ain't the smell of a big-ass Beppo meatball. 238 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,184 You down with B.d.B.? 'Cause this linguini is bussin'. 239 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,352 Sheesh! 240 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,812 We snuck off campus. 241 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,022 We didn't ask because we knew you'd be cool with it. 242 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,065 You're right, Duncan. 243 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,943 As Mr. Mitch, I'm totally cool with it. 244 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,236 But as Vice Principal Mitch 245 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,446 with a preapproved loan for a town house, 246 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,281 you got detention after school. 247 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,324 - What? - Sheesh! 248 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,367 Mamma mia! 249 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,785 Even me? 250 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,621 But detention's for losers who are going nowhere in life. 251 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,373 Sorry, guys. I got a bright future. 252 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,291 You heard Vice Principal Mitch. 253 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,793 Detention, now. 254 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,964 Great work bagging these lunch dodgers. 255 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,215 - This is for you. - Thank you. 256 00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,217 This cup will be perfect for my Fanta, 257 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,635 the champagne of sodas-- 258 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,178 ice cold from my mini fridge. 259 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,555 I need you to pee in it. 260 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,890 School administrators have random drug tests. 261 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,517 Drug test? Uh-oh. 262 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,352 I mean, uh, oh. 263 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,229 Is it possible we could randomly schedule it 264 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,149 for, say, 31 days from now? 265 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,942 You're funny. I'm attracted to you. 266 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,736 Shouldn't have said that as your superior. 267 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,988 Just fill the cup. Fill it good. 268 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,656 Stop it, Veronica. 269 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,324 Uh... 270 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,659 Come on, Mitch. 271 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,911 This job is a chance to prove your character. 272 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,913 Besides, maybe you'll pass the drug test. 273 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,540 Ah, who am I kidding? 274 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,042 I once peed smoke. 275 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:10,253 Looks like ur-ine trouble. 276 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,755 Urine. Ha. 277 00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,506 We have a prop-pee-sition. 278 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,091 See, Duncan's the only kid in school 279 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,926 who's not on drugs or highly medicated. 280 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,261 He'll provide six ounces 281 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,264 of his uncut, crystal-clear, sweet, sweet tinkle. 282 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,599 This is a four-ounce cup. 283 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,684 What you do with the other two ounces is up to you. 284 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,519 But if you want my liquid gold-- 285 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,730 urine--we want no detention, 286 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,857 and we get the keys to the school roof. 287 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,026 Whoa, whoa, students aren't allowed on the roof. 288 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,445 Did you learn nothing from that unripe watermelon? 289 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,072 Don't care. Want to party up there. 290 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,199 This is Wolf, by the way. I'm actually using the bathroom. 291 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,325 Can't do it, kids. 292 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,494 Like Billy Madison, it's time for me to grow up. 293 00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,537 Besides, this is blackmail and-- 294 00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,665 It's next to a Whole Foods? 295 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,084 Yeah, pee in the cup. 296 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:50,293 There's one other thing-- 297 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,087 I want to wear your glasses while I do it. 298 00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:55,006 - Yeah, no. - Damn that's weird, Duncan! 299 00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,549 Fine. 300 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,387 There's three other stalls, dude. 301 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,140 Jack, what are you doing here? 302 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,143 What? A home husband can't visit his home wife in her-- 303 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,812 her work house? 304 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:12,148 An apology gift for you, milady. 305 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,484 A gift card from the grocery store? 306 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,945 I wanted to buy you flowers, but the idea of you going 307 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,322 to the store and picking them out felt sexier. 308 00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,491 And you get two times the points on gas. 309 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,410 Oh, that's so sweet, honey. 310 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,579 We could get a little plant sibling for Fernie. 311 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,165 You two are raising a fern together? 312 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,085 Annie, I have begged you to raise a fern with me. 313 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,587 - No, you haven't. - Well, I'm begging now! 314 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,673 Come on, we're taking it home and raising it as our own, 315 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:37,966 and one day years from now, 316 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,676 Garrett will try to reconnect with Fernie, 317 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,344 and she won't even recognize him! 318 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,513 Jack, put the plant down. You're stressing me out. 319 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,806 Come here, honey. 320 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,516 You're wearing your shoulders like earrings. 321 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,935 Oh, and you've got more knots than the Boy Scouts. 322 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,855 For the last time, Jack-- Oh-- 323 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,357 You got nothing to-- Ohh-- 324 00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,609 To be-- Oh, my God-- 325 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,654 Jealous about-- Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. 326 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,906 You two are sick! 327 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,324 No. Sorry. 328 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,076 That's the old lovably unhinged Jack. 329 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,536 We're in New Jack City now, 330 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,246 where I'm mayor and everything's cool. 331 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,040 In fact, Garrett, why don't you and Bryce 332 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,001 come over tonight for a little couples' hang-a-roo? 333 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,378 Well, Jackiri-Daiquiri, we'd love that. 334 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,964 Ah, My two favorite boys are getting along-- 335 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,258 my work-boy and my home-boy. 336 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,844 This is just wonderful. 337 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,680 Oh, it will be wonderful. 338 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,309 Why does everyone bolt their furniture down? 339 00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:38,234 Whoa. If I had a house, I could see it from here. 340 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:41,821 Man, hanging out on a hot asphalt-covered roof 341 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,032 is even sweeter than I thought it would be. 342 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,534 Hot dogs are ready! 343 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,579 {\an8}This is the life-- 344 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,039 {\an8}good friends, dead birds, 345 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,166 {\an8}and Vice Principal Mitch's commandeered mini fridge. 346 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,835 I could stay up here all night. 347 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,545 Okay, a raindrop just touched my hair. 348 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,922 Let's get the hell out of here. 349 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:03,468 Calm down. We can ride out the sprinkle in the stairwell. 350 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,552 Uh-oh. 351 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,891 Your pee was a devil's bargain. 352 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,601 This is the end! 353 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,812 What? I'm gonna be right 354 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,814 one of these times. 355 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,441 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God... 356 00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,859 When's Garrett gonna get here? 357 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,945 I can't wait till Garrett gets here. 358 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,613 He's probably picking up a pie. 359 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,782 Garrett never comes empty-handed. 360 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,618 - He's been in our house? - When did you get home? 361 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,120 Three hours ago! 362 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,706 Garrett! 363 00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,582 Harris family, I want you to meet-- 364 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,460 B-B-Bryce Bryce baby! 365 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,712 Sorry we're late. 366 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,964 This guy insisted we stop and get a pie. 367 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:44,092 - That's so Garrett. - Mm. 368 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,469 I have a very special surprise for everyone. 369 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,055 The girls have prepared a musical number. 370 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,807 - Huh. Squish. - Six... 371 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,850 - Uh-uh! - Cicero! 372 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,184 Lipschitz! 373 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,437 - ♪ He had it coming ♪ - Great stuff. 374 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:58,148 Hey, you know what'd be really fun? 375 00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,150 "Spouse of Cards"? 376 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:02,027 The game that tells you which player knows 377 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,278 their spouse the best. 378 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,612 Let's get started. I'll go first. 379 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,489 Who's your spouse's first celebrity crush? 380 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,616 - Take this one, Garrett. - Oh, I should know this. 381 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,161 The guy on the paper towels... Brawny! 382 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,830 He's hot, but he wasn't my first. 383 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:17,417 Actually, it was Hulk Hogan, brother. 384 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,336 How'd you know that, Jack? 385 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,505 Me and Bryce go back like four flats on a Cadillac. 386 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,466 Well, who was my first celebrity crush? 387 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,176 I don't know. Next question. 388 00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:29,929 Who would not corroborate Bryce's UFO sighting? 389 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,348 It says that on the card? 390 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,099 Answer the question, Garrett. 391 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,101 It's Patrick-- another point for me. 392 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,312 Daddy's good at this game. 393 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,564 It's an age-old story. 394 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,734 A good man sells his integrity for a cup of pee. 395 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,321 Huh? 396 00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,531 My mini fridge! 397 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,575 Mr. Mitch, help! 398 00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,994 No one warned us about the roof! 399 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,038 Uh, I'll give you all the pee you want! 400 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,414 Cup your hands! 401 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,875 Hold tight, kids! I'm about to get high. 402 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,586 Then I'm gonna climb that cord and save you. 403 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,922 Oh, hell, no. 404 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:06,841 I'm coming up straight! 405 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,052 Wrong again, Gare-bear! 406 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,845 It was in seventh grade at the Smithsonian, 407 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,764 and Bryce was wearing his... 408 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,058 Metallica T-shirt. 409 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:22,357 Name the gift you gave to Bryce that he loved the most. 410 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,983 Simple--a personalized Cameo 411 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,194 from the guy who played Kevin on The Office. 412 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,196 - He loved it. - Yes, yes. That's correct. 413 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:31,157 - Next question. - Bryce, come on... 414 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,992 Okay, I hated it. 415 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,578 It started out nice, but he just kept riffing. 416 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,831 You told Jack that but not me? 417 00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,583 Oh, does that hurt your feelings? 418 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,210 Jack, this game is not, 419 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,713 "A 'funnymoon' we'll never forget." 420 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:47,007 And we know you wrote all those questions. 421 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,883 - What's going on? - What? 422 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,761 It bothers you that Bryce and I share everything? 423 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,638 You're stressing me out, Annie. 424 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,683 Bryce, why don't you come over here and find my spot? 425 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,269 - Uh, what? - Should we be watching this? 426 00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:01,771 Absolutely not. Pie me. 427 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,440 It's starting to feel like you used 428 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,526 our nice afternoon together to make a petty little point. 429 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,237 Yes, Bryce gets it! High five, Bryce! 430 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,033 Wow, okay. 431 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,035 I'm flying a red-eye to Tulsa tonight. 432 00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,078 Let's go, Garrett. Thank you for having us, Annie. 433 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,455 Hell of a show, girls. 434 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,248 Bye, Bryce! See ya, man! 435 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,462 Oh, my God, that was cooler than the bus driver we had 436 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:28,173 who talked about Bitcoin the entire field trip. 437 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,591 What the hell's going on? 438 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:32,802 Uh, nothing. Just chilling on the old ground. 439 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,429 Look out! 440 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,473 The Vice Principal mini fridge? 441 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,059 Were you students on the roof? How did you get up there? 442 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,895 Promise not to shake us and hold us upside down? 443 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,313 No. 444 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,606 I gave them the key. 445 00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:46,524 Mr. Mitch, you don't have to do this. 446 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,109 And I told them to go up there. 447 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,527 You really don't have to do this. 448 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,946 And I told 'em I'd kill 'em if they didn't go up there. 449 00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:53,782 Yeah, okay, you're kind of on your own here. 450 00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:56,368 Mr. Mitch, you are no longer Vice Principal. 451 00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,203 The deer have already been informed. 452 00:17:58,203 --> 00:17:59,537 Mmm. 453 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,915 It's over, Veronica. Let him go. 454 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,463 Whoa. I can't believe you covered for us 455 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,423 after what jerks these guys were to you. 456 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,509 Nah, you kids were right to blackmail me. 457 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,511 It showed me the limitations of my character. 458 00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:15,553 You know what? 459 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,681 Now that I'm plain old Mr. Mitch the teacher again, 460 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,683 tomorrow let's watch a movie that addresses 461 00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,268 the greatest battle in military history-- 462 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,812 World War Z. 463 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:28,149 Sorry you're not gonna get that town house. 464 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,401 I'm in escrow, baby. 465 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:30,860 I'm the bank's problem now. 466 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,864 Well, if my pee would help, no strings attached. 467 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,116 I don't understand. 468 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,325 I put you in your place 469 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,327 and drove a wedge between a lovely couple. 470 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,620 Why don't I feel better? 471 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,330 Girls, let's help him out 472 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,624 with our superior emotional intelligence. 473 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,043 No, I can get it. Uh... 474 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,545 All right, just tell me. 475 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,755 I know you think you were jealous of Garrett, 476 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:53,133 but you were really just jealous of our friendship, 477 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,301 because, well, frankly... 478 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:58,096 - You don't have any friends! - I have friends. 479 00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,975 There's you guys, Duncan, this dude Plungie from work. 480 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,561 You need someone who shares your interests, 481 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,271 not just tolerates them, 482 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:09,983 someone who'll go back-to-back with you and shred air guitars. 483 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,736 Oh, my God, it was Bryce all along, wasn't it? 484 00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,070 Go to him, Jack. 485 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:17,741 But he's on a plane for Tulsa that leaves in 12 minutes! 486 00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,242 Then you'd better haul ass! 487 00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,287 - Why do you have my car keys? - Go! Go! Go! 488 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,458 ♪ We belong to the light ♪ 489 00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:29,586 ♪ We belong to the thunder ♪ 490 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,840 ♪ We belong to the sound of the words ♪ 491 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,800 ♪ We've both fallen under ♪ 492 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:42,182 ♪ Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for better ♪ 493 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,558 No, wait! 494 00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:45,560 Sir, you can't get on that plane! 495 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,395 But I have to tell my wife's work husband's husband 496 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,730 how I really feel! 497 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,440 Why the hell didn't you say so? 498 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,692 ♪ We belong ♪ 499 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,236 Bryce, before you fly to Tulsa 500 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:57,197 and then back later today, I need to say something. 501 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,823 Jack, they're doing the flashlight thingy, 502 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,492 so I got to go. 503 00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:02,786 All I wanted to do was spite my wife 504 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,162 and your stupid husband, 505 00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:07,082 but somewhere along the way, I fell for you. 506 00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:10,669 Bryce, will you be my guy-friend? 507 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,254 Sure. 508 00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,589 He said "sure"! 509 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,634 So when do you want to hang? 510 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:21,179 - Have you ever been to Tulsa? - Damn it, you rock. 511 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,934 Patrick, scoot over, 512 00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:29,020 and next time you see an alien, you corroborate! 513 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:33,400 So, Bryce, want to back-to-back guitar shred? 514 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,735 Well, I should be flying the plane, but... 515 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,823 Hold on. 516 00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,491 I can steer with my foot. 517 00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,040 Where is the weirdest place 518 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,126 you've ever made whoopee? 519 00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,460 On the high-school roof. 520 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,796 - Whoopee means sex. - Oh, then never mind. 521 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,339 What did you think whoopee meant? 522 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:59,134 I don't know, but I buried mine under a pile of leaves. 523 00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,385 Okay, we gave it a shot. 524 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:01,970 Let's do something more family friendly. 525 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,638 {\an8}Five, six, seven, eight. 526 00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,682 ♪ If you'd have been there ♪ 527 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,183 {\an8}♪ If you'd have seen it ♪ 528 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:10,895 {\an8}♪ I bet ya you would have done the same ♪ 529 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,063 {\an8}So I said to him, 530 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:15,191 {\an8}"You pop that gum one more time..." 531 00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,818 {\an8}And he did. 532 00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:21,489 {\an8}So I shot off two warning shots into his head. 533 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:25,285 {\an8}♪ He had it coming, he had it coming ♪ 534 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,495 {\an8}Oh, cool, a show! 535 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,080 {\an8}♪ If you had seen it ♪ 536 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,292 {\an8}They won't notice a few fries. 537 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,298 {\an8}Captioned by Captionmax